Why I Hate Auditions but Keep Showing Up


Dude lets be honest, auditioning is the worst. You’re on your way home from work and your agent calls at 5pm, “You have an audition for XYZ show for a Series Regular at 9am tomorrow. Omg, yes of course! Shit, wait what about work tomorrow, the kids, my meeting, I was supposed to go out of town? Sound familiar. Yea I know. Happens just like that pretty much every single time. Now your fucking panicked swimming in anxiety and now your supposed to focus and memorize 10 pages on your script for tomorrows audition. Good Luck, right? Or better yet, your not the only one that has to do it. Were all in the same boat and if you don’t show up and put the work in someone else will.

The break down:
why I hate the business side of the industry but keep showing up!

Reason Number 1: Side Affects of an “On-Call” Industry

As a result to a last minute industry I’ve picked up really bad habits overtime. From being afraid to make plans during the weekdays for literally anything such as doctors appointments to dinner with friends. You name it and I’ll most likely “have” to cancel if a booking request pops up. As a freelance artist, the feeling of every job seeming like it’s the last is — SO REAL! In return, anything that has the potential to make that fear-based story I keep telling myself come to life is definitely a threat. To avoid that I just don’t schedule my life and put everything off to the last minute, in hopes the rest of the world can accommodate my unrealistic expectations to succumb to my last minute crisis. Yea, right. #fantasyworld

Reason Number 2: Booked but always waiting on my Check

Alright let’s chalk it up to Rihanna,

“B**** better Have my money, PAY ME what you owe me, who ya’ll think your frontn’ on!”

Theme some right there! Let’s be honesty, the best feeling in the world is receiving that call from your agent saying “You booked it!!!” The universe granted me #Money, yay!! All my hard work is paying off. Wait a minute now. In the midst of all this excitement you forgot to ask when you’ll receive YOUR money. For all my non-union folks (models & actors), you wont see that money until 3 months later. Woohoo! Winning at life, for real. NOT. Most new talent don’t realize this is the rule given to them by the agency. Without the union each job is negotiated per the clients budget and request. Which means anything goes. Unlike the union, SAG, they have set rates and breakdowns. If these rules aren’t followed then fines are applied to the party at fault such as delinquent payments.

Reason Number 3: Adrenaline, Highs & Lows.

Most talent go on more auditions than most people do in a professional lifetime. On a weekly and sometimes daily basis. You go girl! You should be proud of your tenacity. Sometimes walking out of the audition room you feel elated, over joyed with your performance. Other times you feel like you really crashed and burned. Here’s the thing, none of that really matters. It’s all up to the universe or the Audition Gods that be. But we can honestly be very hard on ourselves because often times, as talent, we operate in a desperate mentality to book that next job, because you’re broke or to satisfy your ego. In the midst of trying to pay rent or getting fired from your current waitress job, you need to show up early, be prepared and ready to shine. Then you put in all that work to find out you didn’t get the booking that you just spent 3 days preparing for. What jerks! How could they? But I did so good. It’s easy to go from a nice happy vibe to real negative real fast but this is when we have to maintain the focus of why do you keep showing up? What’s the larger vision?

My Why - I Keep Showing Up

Reason 1: The Challenge

I’ve always been competitive. But a different kind of competition. I love challenging myself to accomplish something. If I see someone I think is better or more skilled in a position than myself. I learn, I study, I practice. I keep going. The feeling of progress and accomplishment feels oh so good! And doing something that I actually enjoy is even better. The business side of the industry in a whole other thing than the art side, which is where my love stems from. But in dealing with the business the passion for the art can come and go. I remind myself I’m in this for the long haul and choose to challenge myself to grow and get better.

Reason 2: The Passion for Art

In the beginning, exploring an area of the unknown was fascinating to me. The whole process finding a photographer, choosing photos, submitting to an agency, going to an audition - all of it was new and I was in LOVE! Overtime I made it my priority to “figure out” how to book consistently because my passion was so strong that’s all I wanted to do. Can you say obsessed? Absolutely! And that’s how passion can be the driver to get you to your goals. It gives you the strength to move through the difficult, uncomfortable to finally see the light.

Basically I keep showing up because I love the challenge and passion for the arts. I hope that got you thinking to do your own WHY? BREAKDOWN. Take a few minutes to yourself. It really feels reassuring. Share with my on Instagram and tell me why you keep showing up! If this inspired you my free Wardrobe tips for auditions might be a great follow up! Alright that’s all for now.